Scene: CGI Background 3: Floating architecture around a beige background
Doctor Strange (Cool ranch flavor) is running with America Chavez while a demon bat blade monstrosity is chasing them. Strange casts an ice spell, which incapacitates the beast for several minutes
Doctor Strange: We need to make it to that shiny blue book over there. First we need to jump over this small gap.
America: Oh no, the bat is in front of us. Use that ice blast thingy again to incapacitate it for several more minutes.
Doctor Strange: LOL, nope! How about I use an ineffective spell that does a lot less? My other plan is to kill you so no one can get your powers.
America: That will shave two hours off the conflict of this movie and save countless lives.
Strange does an ineffective spell that does a lot less. He gets stabbed. America gets hung up by monster tentacles but she uses her portal powers to escape with herself and Strange's corpse.
Scene: New York Church
Strange (original flavor) is sitting down at a church service with a guy whose only purpose is to Thanos shame him and remind him that he is a lonely loser. Christine, his old flame, walks down the aisle in a wedding dress.
Doctor Heckle: Look, here is the girl you threw away because you selfishly got finger snapped by Thanos.
At the reception, Strange has a chance to talk to Christine.
Strange: I know you just got married and you moved on, but now is the best time to say that I really want to marry you and I wish the guy you did marry was dead.
Christine: I would have been married to you but you were always holding the knife.
Strange: Wait...we would have dated longer, but you were upset that I didn't let you hold my scalpel during major surgeries? That is either a bizarre metaphor or the dumbest reason to break up with someone.
Suddenly, a giant one eyed squid monster attacks New York City. Strange is instantly glad that the monster is exactly the kind of villain his powers were made for. God forbid he would need a bat signal or some kind of crime computer to find these opportunities.
America is getting chased by the monster. Original Steven recognizes that Cool Ranch Steven ran with her on floating architecture.
Wong shows up and gets beat up by the rejected CGI from the Suicide Squad sequel. Steven ends up stabbing out the monster's eye like Suicide Squad. The ratings board must have missed this scene when they gave it a PG-13 rating.
Strange: Girl, how do I know you? I had a dream about you.
Wong: You dream about sixteen year old girls?
America: Every time you dream it is really you looking into the multiverse. Out of the seven billion universes you dreamed about the one connected to the plot.
Wong, Strange, and America go to a random roof where Cool Ranch Strange's corpse is lying mutilated and disfigured and earning an R rating.
Strange: It is amazing that you carried a mutilated corpse up 15 flights of stairs.
Wong: I noticed that the giant squid did not react to any of our cgi effects despite being two OP heroes that solve our problems by pulling spells out of our butts.
Strange: Sounds like Scarlet Witch can help us with this. Where did we leave her last after she enslaved that whole town against its will?
Wong: Is that the witch girl who should be given the death penalty for destroying a whole town, but instead we just let her walk free?
Scene: Apple Farm where homicidal villains get a second chance
Strange: There's this girl who can make portals to universes and she is being chased by demons who want to capture her.
Scarlet: Hmmm...it seems like this girl, who I have never met, needs to come to my farm and I will protect her. She can hide on my sacrifice altar.
Strange catches Scarlet in a lie and she reveals she is the final boss to this movie. The evil book of evil is making her evil.
Scarlet: It was me all along! I was sending raging hell beasts through the multiverse to carefully capture America. Though in reality, those beasts don't have multiverse traveling capabilities so it would be pointless if they caught her. Unless the hell beasts do have multiverse traveling powers which totally defeats the purpose of me trying to capture her. On second thought, I am really glad that a series of lucky coincidences brought her here.
Strange: Seriously, We should have killed you in Ultron when you tried to pass off that horrible accent. I am sick of the Avengers 3 strikes program.
Scarlet: Just for that, I am bringing back the accent. I am full of evil and I want my imaginary sons back. Give me the portal girl so she can send me to another earth.
Strange: Actually, that sounds reasonable. You can just go to another world where the kids have no mother and live happily ever after.
Scarlet: Nope. I changed my mind. I am going to kill her and destroy the whole entire universe.
Strange: Nothing is easy with you.
Scene: Magic China Temple
Strange is with America.
America: It is a good thing you prepared for this. Just make that power sucking prison cell that you made for Spider-Man and teleport Wanda to it.
Strange: Wong, what is rule number one of my powers?
Wong: You can't use the obvious power that could save the day.
Strange assembles all the sorcerers from around the world (or one guy from Scotland). They fortify the area.
Scarlet: Every universe but mine has me being a single parent to two kids that I conjured up in my imagination. I really want that!
Strange: Do you also live with a 3D printed man with cyborg parts and a human soul?
Scarlet: That was a Wandavision plot. I have moved on.
Scarlet Witch starts killing sorcerers with her magic lasers. She makes it to the last level where she has to fight Strange and America. Strange and America jump into a portal and go through tons of floating glass landscapes and floating architecture scenes, which Marvel bought in bulk.
Scene: New York City with more plants
Strange: I think we are in a world where Bernie Sanders is president.
America: Oh no, Wanda is going to send more demons after us.
Strange: No, sending death addled killing beasts was her peaceful way to handle this problem. Now she is going to transport her mind in this earth's Wanda and come fight us.
America: Isn't that the plot to Days of Future Past?
Strange: Hush, child! We need to find this world's Doctor Strange. Luckily, your teleport brought us back to New York City instead of the magic Chinese temple.
Strange and America wander over to a backstory revealing machine, where it reveals the backstory of Strange and Christine. They went on a date. That is the whole backstory. America's backstory involves her getting startled by a bee and sending her lesbian moms to an alternate universe. It makes no sense because when she goes into the portal she is supposed to be with them, but for this one time they went into separate universes.
Scene: The Sanctum
Baron Mordo is the Doctor Strange of this universe. No one remembers his role in the first movie and they probably won't remember his role for this one.
Mordo: Welcome to my house, Strange. We used to have our own Doctor Strange (Extra spicy) but he died fighting with Thanos.
Strange: Thank you for believing my story about alternate universes.
Mordo: Thank you for drinking my tea with sleep drugs in it.
Strange: Whaaaaaaaat? I am the strongest magician in the world and I can't beat some extra strength Nyquil.
Mordo: You and America are too evil. That is why I am going to drag you to a science lab, while scientists examine you.
Scene: Wanda's house
Wanda: I love this universe. Even though the world is clearly in the year 3000 I have a home that was built in the 90s, with a 2010 flat screen TV that shows 1920's Disney cartoons.
Wanda's Boys: Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom
Wanda: I love my two sons. In every conceivable universe I married a robotic man that was 3D printed and made these two perfectly normal dudes. It also helps that the Vision is dead in every universe.
Wanda's Boys: Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom
The Scarlet Witch invades Wanda's body, but an extra from Black Panther destroys her evil book and she gets all moody. She forces Wong to go find the hard backup copy of the book, which some dude wrote on the wall.
Scene: Science Jail
Both America and Strange are in glass jail cells wearing special handcuffs that steal their powers.
Strange: It would be really neat if we could use the energy stealing powers of these handcuffs to stop all our earth destroying foes. It would really stop a certain witch from killing everyone here.
Christine: Nope, the first rule of Marvel tech is that if it can solve the problem in less than a minute then we don't use it.
Strange: Sounds a lot like my magic. (starts drooling over Christine) Did the Strange of this world have a weird thing for you where you gave him a wild metaphor for why you two shouldn't date?
Christine: Yup, he likes holding knives or some weird phrase like that.
Strange: Dangit! I need to let more girls handle my scalpels when I am doing major surgeries.
Scene: The Marvel Fan Service Room
Strange must answer for his crime of being Doctor Strange. Reed Richards (audience wets themselves), Black Bolt (audience wets themselves more), Ethnicity swapped Captain Marvel (audience unwets themselves), gender swapped Captain America (audience wets themselves a little) and Professor Xavier (audience fills theater with urine) meet him.
Strange: (Putting on his stand up comedian hat and grabs the mic) Mr. Fantastic? More like Mediocre Melvin, am I right? Black Bolt? More like Black Fork. Captain Marvel and Captain Britain, more like...I got nothing. Tip your waitresses. (notices the rest) Hold on! You call yourself the Illuminati. This is how Civil War starts in the comic. Are we rebooting Civil War?
Proff. X: We are not rebooting Civil War.
Strange: Are you sure? (Looks around for Tony Stark and Namor)
Proff X: We are not rebooting Civil War! Now let's vote. I vote that we should let Strange look for a magical blue book and use it to fight Scarlet Witch.
Mordo: I vote against that.
CIVIL WAR!!!!!!
Scene: Science Jail
Scarlet Witch finds the evil temple of Wundagore and makes herself a witch god. She then goes back into Wanda's body. Wanda starts magic murdering everyone. The whole entire fan service is killed off in ways that will give kids nightmares for life.
Christine: Oh no! We need to leave.
Strange: You need to trust me. I know the Doctor Strange (Extra Spicy) of this earth was a total D-bag and used the evil book of evil to destroy another universe.
Christine: Pinky swear you won't kill a universe trying to solve this problem.
Strange: (pinky swears) Let's go to the secret tunnel that leads to the blue book that solves all problems that no one thought to use in this universe for all the other stuff that was happening with Thanos.
Scene: Secret Tunnel under the River
Doctor Strange, Christine, and America treat Scarlet like she is a xenomorph and close metal doors to get away from her. Then, for some reason beyond all comprehension, they decide to wait for an extra long time to see if she can get through the final door. Surprise, she does!
They make Scarlet drown in river... because magic.
Scene: Floating Architecture in a beige background
Christine: This is the waiting lobby between universes. It's very easy to get to, but for some reason only select universes know how to get there.
Doctor Strange grabs the magical blue book of problem solving, but Scarlet Witch blasts it.
Rob Schneider: WE SUCK AGAIN!
Scarlet Witch grabs America and throws her back into the evil temple of evil back in the MCU. She could have just stolen her power right then and there, but she wanted to use her altar for dramatic effect. She also could have killed Doctor Strange and Christine since she has no qualms about killing people, but instead she throws them into a different universe.
Scene: CGI Effect #3: Desolate earth
Strange: Another earth where Steven Strange kills everyone. Maybe I should end my life and save everyone the countless genocides.
Christine: No, you have goodness in your heart and Disney's backing.
Strange finds that the only living person on this planet is full goatee Strange (Guacamole) and he is a total d-bag of evil.
Strange (Original): Excuse me, sir. May I have your evil book of evil so that I can save one girl whose existence has justified the death of a lot of people?
Strange (Guac): Prove to me that you are a universe travelling Strange.
Strange (Original): Simple, you know how every universe is different? Well, you probably had a sister who drowned in the ice lake when you were young.
Strange (Guac): Yup! Even though this universe doesn't have any of the rules of your universe that is the one thing that is constant. I can't let you have my evil book of evil because I need to brood around this place and feel sorry for myself. I also have a third eye because of it.
Strange (Original) and Strange (Guac) fight in a way that is clearly from a Fantasia and Looney Tunes cartoon. They throw music notes at each other. Guac hits Original with a frying pan. Original chases Guac with a rolling pic. They run across a huge piano. Original finally slams Guac's head with the top of a piano and his teeth become piano keys. Wizard Mickey Mouse then sends in his army of brooms to sweep up.
Strange: Well, that was weird. Now I need to use the evil book of evil to resurrect a zombie of myself and fight Scarlet Witch.
Christine: You pinky swore!!!!
Strange: Well, the writers wrote themselves into a corner so it's either this or we let Scarlet kill one girl so she can have imaginary sons. Also, I hope you don't mind, I need to add a new plot and conflict. I am going to be fending off evil spirits that will cause 8 year olds to have instant PTSD. Sweet dreams, kids.
Scene: Wundagore
Scarlet is doing the world's slowest ritual on America, giving zombie Strange enough time to zap over, win over the damned souls of the dead, and fight Scarlet Witch.
Zombie Strange: Hey America, I know you get startled by bees, but how about a zombified Doctor Strange. Funny how your powers only work when you are scared or stressed a very specific way. I just want to tell you some campy things to motivate you. The power was inside you the whole time, the real treasure is the friends you made along the way, it's not about the destination but the journey, the wolf you feed is the one that grows stronger, Ohana means family.
America suddenly understands how her powers work and uses them like a fully trained Avenger. The Scarlet Witch, who can kill Avengers just by blinking, gets her head handed to her. America sends Scarlet Witch back to traumatized Wanda's house where her two kids can see her for the psycho whack job she is.
Wanda's Boys: Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?
Scarlet: I am not evil! (Kills some people) I would never hurt anyone! (Destroys a nation) I am a lover, not a fighter! (Eats a puppy). Oh nards! I just realized that I have been hurting people because my twin boys got scared. Now I am going to destroy all evil books of evil through every universe.
America: For someone who can do a lot of stuff in any universe she chooses it seems pointless that you would need me.
Scarlet: (Turns to the audience) If you forget these obvious plot holes we will give you more Marvel fan service.
(Audience cheers)
Scene: New York City
Cue: Pharrell's "Happy" plays.
Strange: (Dancing) Looks like I have a new outlook on life. I am a happy guy now even though my loneliness and despair did not really get addressed.
Suddenly Strange keels over and he grows a third eye of evil!
Strange: CLIFFHANGER!!!!
(Audience gasps, waits one minute)
Post Credit scene: Nope. Doctor Strange is fine. He immediately gets over that problem that would make a great cliffhanger. All is well. He follows a random white haired women into a universe portal because she tells him that he killed off her entire universe. He smirks devilishly because he was just told he killed a trillion people on a scale that makes Thanos look like a boy scout.
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