5 things you need to do to get ready for Ready Player Two

 

Once upon a time, there was an author, Ernest Cline, who looked up the top Google search results under "cool things for cool dudes" and wrote an entire book around what he found. That book is called Ready Player One. It is the literary equivalent of dabbing and flossing through a Soulja Boy music video. It made a couple million dollars because it had "fun nouns" that people over thirty understood.

Now his book has a sequel, Ready Player Two, and there are a few things you need to do to get ready for this new book. I am not going to bother with a quick rundown of the plot. Just read the synopsis for The Matrix, while listening to Cyndi Lauper and you will get the gist.

1. Wear Jncos- Remember Jncos? They were jeans with super wide-leg holes. It's what you wore when you wanted to fit in with the edgy geeks. If you wear Jnco jeans then you will immediately understand trying to fit into the cool kid circle by making horrible choices.

2. Buy an extra controller for a system you don't own. It'll cost you $60 and you can put it on a shelf. It has no purpose, but darn it, it looks cool.

3. Stalk a beautiful girl. No reason. No purpose. Just follow a beautiful girl around until she has to call the police. Now you understand Cline's more romantic scenes.

4. Yell popular words you read on cereal boxes. Wheat enriched! Two scoops! Vitamin fortified! Enlarged for texture! How can you not be popular with such cool-sounding phrases? Make sure to remind the audience the source of each phrase.

5. Wear a trenchcoat with a list of all the Nintendo games you have ever owned written on the inside. Then run up to random strangers and open the coat.