Calvinist Gamer Declares That He Was Prechosen To Die All Those Times In Mario Odyssey

RALEIGH NC- Dustin Burke is quite confident that all his deaths in Mario Odyssey were part of a sovereign plan from the beginning of time and not because he is horrible at the game.

"When I miss the gap by a mile and land on the spikes, it is because God foreknew my pride and has sent someone to humble me."

Dustin, who has spent two weeks on the same desert level, is pondering what God has elected him to see while playing the same stage over and over.

"Does the Lord want me to miss the Bullet Bill trap for the 400th time? My guess is yes. He works in mysterious ways."

As Dustin totally misses a ledge and falls, once again, into a pit of goomba enemies, he smiles to himself. "It was decided before creation that I would die to self thousands of times."