A psychology study at The Institute of Mental Behaviors (Florida) has come to the conclusion that being in first place in Mario Kart is equivalent to one tour in a Middle Eastern war.
Dr. Sangrio of the IMB Florida Institute discussed his findings, "When we put the average teenager of 12 to 14 in our test lab he showed the textbook symptoms of a war torn soldier fearing for his life."
Test pupil, Arnaldo Grey, confirmed these findings, "It was Hell! I was surrounded by all these blue mortars and all I had was a banana peel to protect myself. Death was certain."
Students of the study also exhibited night terrors, flashbacks and an unhealthy fear of turtles. Some students also refused to get into go-karts or walk outside when there were lightning storms.
Dr. Sangrio, feeling pity on the poor souls who took his study, started a recovery program. "All of our students are being gently reintroduced into fair kart gaming. First we play Garfield Karts. Next we play Diddy Kong Racing. Finally we end the recovery with Sega All-Stars Racing. "
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